rustyhonesty | [Seasons] Inbox; un: jean

[Even if Jean knew it was true, hearing Frieda admit it makes him feel cold. To think someone could really manipulate his memories like that. And not just his but others's as well, save for the Ackerman.

It makes matters worse when it feels like Frieda is mostly talking to Eren, when Jean is the victim here.]

I don't recall giving you my consent for messing with my brains. Then again, it's not like your family ever asks permission, do they?

Who gives a shit? Living causes people distress.

[ She should know that, shouldn't she? They were all from the same place. ]

It's not up to you what other people get to remember. If something happened, Jean can decide for himself if he wants to know about it.

[ He glances at Jean. He has a point about the Reiss family just doing shit like this.

Eren has a hard time not just steamrolling right through this conversation. But then he wouldn't be any better, if he didn't let Jean make any decisions here. It's probably telling just how difficult that is for him, but all that shows on his face is anger. ]

[She slightly winces at Jean's words, but doesn't try to refute them - she can't. As soon as she saw that Eren accompanied him, she knew that it would be this way. None of her people have any tolerance left for having their memories and minds messed with, and she truly can't blame them for feeling that way, no matter how she (or the voice in her head) justifies it, but Eren especially can't tolerate it, and she has no doubt that he solidified that sentiment in Jean.

Once more, she looks back and forth between them. Jean's expression shows guardedness, controlled anger, and a sense of betrayal (which pains Frieda - even after the conference call, he was still supportive and willing to give her the benefit of the doubts, but it seems that her words and (in)actions in his nightmare and now this revelation made his goodwill run out). Eren looks like he'll simply pull the memory out of her by connecting their Founders if she continues hesitating.]

Let me first tell you what happened. Then, Jean, you can decide if you want the memory back.

[She half expects him (or else Eren) to refuse - they may not trust her enough to even think that she'll tell them the truth -, so she quickly follows up:]

I'll show Eren, too, to confirm my words.

[Eren, being the person he is, likely won't be half as affected by what played out in the ice cave as Jean was, so he may well declare the memory harmless and fit for return - and frankly, even if he felt otherwise, she's fairly sure that he'd still want Jean to get it back, putting the integrity of his friend's experiences over any suffering he may undergo as a result.]

[Jean had been very ready to give Frieda another chance, but now it felt like it was just thrown back into his face.

Eren is still like a volcano, ready to erupt any moment. Jean is pretty sure if he lost his temper, Eren would launch himself into action. So he stays as calm as he can. It's one of his specialities, right? Keeping his head cool in situations.]

No matter what it is you're hiding, I just want the memory back. You might as well stops stalling.

[He wouldn't regret getting the memory back, no matter how much distress it causes. Even the memories that caused him most pain were still a part of him.]

[ It takes an enormous amount of effort for Eren to stand still and listen. He manages it, barely, hands clenched into fists that he can't seem to uncurl. He still keeps his nails long on purpose, but he doesn't even notice that right now. He isn't thinking of being a titan, though it would probably always be on the table with him. ]

You heard him. But I'll take you up on your offer. Show me too, so I know you're not giving him some made up bullshit.

[ Can Eren actually discern if it's true or fabricated? Jury's out, but that won't stop him from making demands. ]

[Frieda exhales.]

Alright, then.

[She offers her hands, one to each - and the moment they take them, the memory she altered is restored to its true shape in Jean's mind, with Eren receiving it as one of those familiar intrusive flashbacks (perhaps along with some other fragments, be they of Frieda's or of their predecessors).

Reflection Jean, part of Kenny's squad and full of contempt for the Survey Corps, ecalating the increasing hostility by shooting at Jean with killing intent. Reflection Frieda, having forsaken her family and joined the Survey Corps after being cheated out of her succession by her oldest brother, attacking him in turn and dying. Jean, killing his reflection in self-defence. Frieda, failing to snap him out of his shock, eventually resorting to altering his memory.

Of course, as an inevitable side effect of the two Founders coming into contact, they find themselves in the Paths, with Frieda immediately pulled down to her knees by her chains.]

[Jean really doesn't know what to expect when he takes her hand.

It's the familiar scene from the dreams that had bothered him for a long time. Yet it was different. The hostility didn't fade with words. Neither of the reflections retreated peacefully.

He can feel the gunshot that hits the safety pin's barrier, even if he only sees it this time. That kind of behavior was more what he'd expect from someone on the assasination squad. Reflection Frieda retaliates, even seems to have an upper hand for a moment, but then ends up dying that Jean's hands.

After that everything happens so fast. Jean seemed to move on instinct, using the speed and techniques he had learned from the two Ackerman. Then there's the sound of the ODM blade piercing a body - piercing the fake Jean's chest and killing him.

There's no blood. Not from a reflection. But it feels real enough for Jean to become shocked. Unresponsive, even, after a desperate scream.

Once the memory is back in full and Jean has 'watched' it again, he grabs his head with one of his hands. He doesn't repeat the ending, even if he feels sick. He doesn't register the weird scenery around them yet, or Frieda being chained down.

Honestly, if he hadn't already experienced the cruel nightmare of being the Beast titan, he might have broken down again. After that dream it was easier to stomach other horrors. It was still very, very unpleasant to see and remember happening. But he doesn't regret asking for the memory back.]

That made more sense than the falsified scenario did.

[Jean finally talks, confirming he remembers again. Then he blinks and looks around. Weren't they just at the Summer Guild?]

What the hell?

[He looks back at Frieda who is now chained.]

No seriously, what the hell?

[It's a good sign he can comment on the surroundings, even if he does still look unwell because of the memory. He can push through it, but he will still be affected by it.]

[ Eren can almost understand Frieda's reasoning, once he sees the memory. It clearly affected Jean deeply. But like he said, that's just how life goes. Altering people's memories just makes him see red. Yes, he keeps memories from his friends until his death. It's a little hypocritical. But he doesn't change things, doesn't plant anything there. There are final conversations that he needs to have with them (selfishly, as usual). They just can't get in the way.

He's vaguely aware of this because he witnessed the one with Armin.

The others, ironically, he hasn't seen, because he kept them from himself. So he doesn't do anything to them that he hasn't done to himself, though that justification is as weak as any of his other justifications.

Stupidly, Eren isn't actually expecting to be catapulted back here. He'd slammed Jean and Mikasa out the last time it happened, but he'd had more control then (and less, in a way, but that wasn't really his fault). There's always something jarring about this. When he looks down at Frieda, though, it isn't with pity or compassion. He's still angry. ]

I should just leave you here.

[ He says that as if he even could. Maybe he could figure out how, given enough time. One day he'll leave Zeke in the Paths for countless ages. Today, his threat isn't really a threat, just an expression of anger.

More important is…Jean. Jean's confusion about this place. He doesn't look so hot, which is understandable. ]

This place is…it has to do with the Founding Titan.

[ That's not entirely accurate and he knows it, but he's vague on purpose.

He gauges Jean's reaction from there to see how much else he should say. He doesn't want to give away too much, but the existence of the Paths isn't really telling the future. It's always been there, after all, just most people never get to see it. ]

[Ignoring her own situation, Frieda watches Jean with concern, and when he manages to cope with the regained knowledge of what transpired, pale and shaken as he looks, she breathes a sigh of relief - though she does wonder what enables him to bear it more easily this time. What happened to you since that time?

As he registers the Paths around them and Eren gives him a rudimentary explanation - not without a jab at her, which she doesn't bat an eye at -, she pondes her options. Humiliating as it is to be chained up in front of her subjects (not that she generally thinks of them in such terms), she's finally back in the place where all Eldians are connected - the place where, according to Eren, the Founder Ymir still exists, much as she seems out of reach for them in Ellipsa. She supplements:]

This place is called the Paths. And that, over there, is the Coordinate.

[It's marvellous, really. Beautiful. If only she could understand its secrets, how it works, how to interact with it on a more strategic level... and perhaps, all she requires is time. An eternity. It won't be a problem if time is meaningless here, if she doesn't need to worry about a living being's usual basic needs. Without looking at Eren, she says:]

I'd like to see you try to leave me here.

[It may sound like a challenge, but she knows just as little as he does whether either of them can really strand the other here - however she doubts it, expecting the connection to break for them all as soon as she and Eren let go of each other's hands on the physical plane. How long can a hand claps last in the Paths?]

[He leveled up through trauma, that's what happened. Just your average Titan Hell way of getting stronger.

Though he does understand now why Frieda would resort to altering his memory. It still didn't make it okay, but he understands at least. That would likely be yet another image that haunts him when he's somewhere alone with too many of his thoughts. The roulette of 'what ugly memory should we hyper fixate now' just gained new material.

Jean pushes through the nausea to focus on the brilliant blue surroundings. The 'Coordinate' is certainly impressive. He never thought something like that could be given a physical looking form.

Then he looks over to Eren, reassuring they haven't revealed too much.]

That's what I get for having both founders in close contact, huh?

[He assumes that's the case.]

[ Eren studies Jean's face for a minute. Just seeing this memory will probably be terrible to bear, but he doesn't regret confronting Frieda. Like he said, it's Jean's choice. If he wants to remember something, he has the right to. ]

…Yeah. Guess so.

[ His answer is non-committal. He's not even entirely sure why this. Would it happen every time he touched Frieda? Well, who knows. He doesn't make a habit of doing that. Unlike Historia, though, Eren has no qualms about using Frieda to his own ends if it comes to it. He has no reason to, of course. There's nothing he needs the Founder for in this world. Still, she doesn't have any protection from him with Historia gone.

He looks down at her. ]

You have no idea what I'm capable of.

[ This may or may not be true; he's not sure what Frieda has learned in her time here. Eren himself won't reveal anything about the Rumbling to anyone who doesn't already know. But it's easy enough to know that there are terrible lengths he's willing to go to if it keeps his loved ones safe. He's said repeatedly he would do anything to stay here.

He means anything.

But as for actually trapping Frieda in the Paths…he doesn't know how, not yet. He'd have to stay here long enough to figure it out. Could he do that consciously without touching her? Probably right now he could stay for awhile. Once he lets go, he'll still have lingering access to the Founder for an indeterminate amount of time. Not long.

What he does remember is how to get out of this place. He'd done it on purpose the last time, shoving everyone out and slamming the proverbial door on all of them.

He leaves the threat as-is and lets go. The light of the Paths dissolves around them, leaving them as they were before.

He looks back at Jean one more time. ]

You all right?

[Frieda wouldn't be able to give Jean a better explanation that Eren. So far, this has happened every time they touched directly, and if there's a way to stop it, neither of them has made a move to figure it out - it's not like it greatly impedes them, given their lack of a desire for more frequent contact.

When Eren increases the threat level in his words, she can only hold his gaze with equal determination. You really know how to make yourself look bad, Eren. She does know of his retaliation against Marley and his theft of the Warhammer Titan, but not of the Rumbling - if she did, he might be able to tell. Much as she might try to hide her knowledge, she probably wouldn't be able to treat him the same anymore, with that mix of barely subdued hostility and barebones courtesy they both show each other.

Before she can think of a way to prolong her stay, Eren breaks contact with her, and they're back in the summer guild's backyard, the shadows thrown by the swords no longer than they were before. (One day, perhaps she'll find out that there's a whole other way of arriving in the Paths on one's own... but should she really wish for a near-death experience?)

Letting go of Jean's hand as well, she exhales.]

I hope you're content with your choice, Jean.

[After they pressed her to return his memory, she doesn't want to hear any complaints!!]

[Why is he in the middle of a Founder Cold War. Well, he definitely knows which side he would be on if he had to pick. Especially after all of this.

The scenery changes back to where they left from in a blink. Nothing seems to have changed; the same birds are still sitting on the awning of the guild house. It was likely he wouldn't understand how Paths actually worked, nor did he really care to. But at least he wouldn't be spooked if that happened again.

Jean nods at Eren though.]

I've been better, but I've been worse, too. I'll manage.

[It's definitely a memory that will haunt him, but he can deal with it. Most likely he would have feelings about it in private. Maybe a good cry against Mikasa.

Speaking of her, though. Jean looks at Frieda now that they were no longer holding hands.]

Of course I am. And if you do that again, next time I won't stop Mikasa from having "a chat" with you.

[Yes, he sure did use Mikasa as a threat, but that's how it works when you're married to the most awesome woman in the world. He's not ashamed of being under her protection at all.]

[ Eren might be surprised to hear that Jean would so easily be on his side, but then, Jean doesn't know what he's capable of either.

He can't help the little smirk on his face at Jean using Mikasa as a threat. He thinks back to when they were kids, when she would come in and save him from whatever fight he'd picked. He hadn't usually wanted Mikasa to save him then, too busy being convinced he could take on kids much bigger than him (he couldn't).

He's still convinced he can take on more than he can, but he's no longer averse to her help — at least not here. At home, there's another story, a much worse one.

Neither of them can alter Mikasa's memories, at least. She and Levi are immune to the Founder's machinations.

He considers Frieda again. He's still angry, because of course he is, all of his righteousness held in the tension of his shoulders. Still, he won't pick a real fight. Two Founding Titans fighting would be a disaster even if they weren't surrounded by people who would get caught up in it. ]

I get why you did it. But just…don't. Not to any one of us.

[ Not that she could probably do anything to Eren's memories, no more than he could to her. But still. ]

[If the threat of Mikasa frightens Frieda, she doesn't let it show. If anything, it's the reminder of how she squandered Jean's goodwill, the cold tone in his voice, that furrows her brow. If Eren weren't here, inhibiting her with his adversarial presence, she might attempt to properly apologise for everything - but who's to say that such an attempt wouldn't get derailed by her inherited will all over again?

When Eren speaks, his expression of understanding surprises her. Much as it's only the prelude to his admonishment, he could have left it at another threat, and she appreciates his acknowledgement of her intent.]

If anything like this happens again, I'll fetch Mikasa myself.

[It's a rare show of semi-sarcasm from her, but she follows it up with a more earnest commitment:]

I won't do it again. Jean... I'm sorry.

[Seasons] Inbox; un: jean

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