rustyhonesty | [Seasons] Inbox; un: jean

Jean has been resting for a few days, but he was still recovering from overworking (and the training session with Levi and Mikasa the other day). It would take time for his body to actually relax, after all. He was also starting to sport a small stubble (don't tell Levi) since he hasn't needed to go out.

He accepts the box, nodding. "Thank you. And it's not a problem... please, feel free to sit down on the couch. Do you want something to drink?"

The question asked is a bit unexpected, even if this seemed more of a casual house call than anything. Jean's not sure what he expected, really.

"Uh... fine, I think? I've just been a bit tired from training, so I've been taking it easy." More or less because of Levi and Mikasa both insisting. Marco too, when he said anything about it. "And you?"

Erwin certainly will not betray Jean's current state of hygiene to his Captain (unless it was particularly worrisome, but he doesn't think Jean is quite there yet). Jean is hardly the first or last man to let himself get a little scruffy over a few days with no reason to make oneself particularly presentable, present company included.

(Erwin has been on the receiving end of Levi's gripes about that, however, so he'll spare the younger man the experience).

"No, I'm all right." He does take a seat at the invitation, and waits for Jean to join him before continuing.

I think, Jean says.

"Well enough," Erwin responds. "I'm having no shortage of things to occupy myself with here, with so much to learn."

He pauses a moment before continuing. "Captain Levi tells me that you've been pushing yourself quite hard lately, to an unusual degree...has something been troubling you?"

Jean also sits down, on one of the armchairs opposite of the couch. It's hard to relax, but he tries to not seem too nervous (he's not doing a very good job at it).

There it is, the reason Erwin is here. Jean can't help but look a little shocked, but his expression settles quite fast, turning into a slightly embarrassed one. To think Levi had been worried enough to consult Erwin. It's also very touching, but mostly Jean feels a little (more) ashamed for causing this chain reaction.

"It's a sum of quite a few things, sir. Have you been told about my death in this world?"

Because that's honestly the start of everything.

It's not unusual for people, especially the younger soldiers, to be nervous around him. Erwin tries to project an air of steadiness, calm and relaxed. Even so, the subject is not the easiest - apparently moreso than he realized. The news of Jean's death catches him a little off guard. Surely Levi wouldn't have left out something like this if he thought it was an important factor, but perhaps even he hadn't realized the true depth of things. Unusual, but not impossible.

Erwin frowns, concerned, but not making a show of it.

"I'm afraid I haven't, no. Would you mind briefly telling me what happened?"

Jean wasn't really sure if he preferred to be the one to tell about his death, or if he'd rather had Levi or Hange to have told Erwin, but it was what it was. It had been a while, so maybe it wasn't so relevant anymore that it needed to be mentioned. Which was a relief. Of course, it still remained relevant to Jean, even if he hasn't talked about it in months. Like he's moved on.

He had taken little steps to move on from it. But he also regularly took steps back. It wasn't as easy as he hoped, to just leave it in the past.

"Back in June, I went on an expedition with two of my friends. We decided to explore the Winter Segment and possibly find a good place for a teleport crystal. Due to the unpredictable storms, we were steered off course, into a dangerous area called the Wolf's Blood Mountains."

His tone remains calm, despite the subject. He had told the story enough times to be able to do it without too much emotion. Except his voice wavers a little bit from here on.

"There we encountered creatures called Werewolves and ended up fighting them. I got fatally injured. Then an earthquake hit the mountain and a part of the cliff I was standing on broke. I fell straight into the ice covering the Frozen Lake."

Which was, in the end, what really did him in, even if he had died because of his injuries.

Erwin listens, carefully attentive. They've both seen the horrors of comrades killed in terrible, sudden ways, probably more times than either of them would like to count. Even so, it doesn't mean that Erwin can listen to Jean recounting the story himself completely stoically, especially not as the young man's voice and countenance waver.

His eyes widen at the mention of those creatures, and then -- an earthquake and a fall, on top of it. It seems insult to injury.

Erwin gently sets his hand on Jean's shoulder, giving it a careful, steadying squeeze.

"I see. I'm sorry you went through that. It must have been terrifying." Because no matter what, dying in battle is terrifying. Erwin still has nightmares on occasion, of that last, terrible ride toward the Beast Titan, of rocks pelting soldiers and horses around him, of the one that finally came for him.

"Are you worried about something like that happening again?"

Touch energy makes the hand on his shoulder feel even warmer and more grounding than it normally would. Jean lets out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding before nodding at the question.

"Yes. That's why I've done everything I can to become stronger. Not only to protect myself, but to also make sure I can protect others from the same happening to them."

Which was only amplified by Marco arriving.

"But I suppose I've taken it too far."

[Seasons] Inbox; un: jean

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cw/tw: death explanation

whew sorry about the delay

it's alright, I've been very slow myself